Saturday, January 15, 2011

Things I Hate That You Like: The Girl Scouts

Girl Scout Troop 666


I hate the Girl Scouts and their delicious cookies and so should you.


Ready to perpetuate the obesity epidemic

Every New Years Eve, I make the same resolution as you do: "I'm going to diet. I'm going to exercise. I'm going to look good." And then, without fail, a pallet of Girl Scout Cookies arrives at my house as if to say, "You'd be better off making a resolution to get diabetes."

The deal always goes down the same way. They show up at your house back in October, before all of the the candy-drenched holidays and when you're still feeling good about yourself. With their freshly pressed uniforms, sunny smiles, and glossy brochures filled with colorful boxes of perfectly lit cookies, you have no choice but to buy some.

"Sure, I'll take two boxes of Thin Mints, please. ...Wait, make that forty boxes. I'll freeze them," I say.

I have no intention of freezing them. I'm going to eat them - all of them. I'm going to stack them up like poker chips and shove them in my face one by one in a high-stakes game of chance.

"I'll see your Thin Mint and I'll raise you a Shortbread."

"I'm all in."

You got to know when to hold 'em, and know when to fold 'em.



Kansas City has the smartest Girl Scouts in the United States. Last year this girl talked me into buying 26 boxes of cookies. Six weeks later, the same little girl was going door-to-door selling P90X videos.

Here's my recent run in with an evil troop: