Brie Johnson on Millionaire Matchmaker

Friend and comedy writing partner Brie Johnson will appear on Bravo's Millionaire Matchmaker. She will be opening for her millionaire/hypnotist/zebra Anthony Cools at the Paris Hotel in Vegas.

Millionaire Matchmaker annoyances:
  • Patti Stanger has a Super-Secret Database 'full' of available women but yet every show she has to scramble to get enough girls to attend her mixers.

  • Patti's catch phrase is "Does the penis go up and down off the couch?" If you had a penis that could sit on a couch, you wouldn't need a matchmaker, you'd need a porn 'stache.

  • She boasts a 99% success rate - the other 1% is apparently her. She's 47 and not married. She has a mysterious boyfriend that no one has seen - like Jan Brady's imaginary boyfriend "George Glass". (when they met, did Patti's penis get up off the couch?)

  • Every show - despite the '99% success rate' - ends with "...they did not see each other again". That's weird math.

  • The only tolerable person on the show is dude with the mowhawk.

There's a ton more to read at

Popular Posts